


when you unlock my heart

by bibliophile357



Series: Defending our love [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Anniversary, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7573390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibliophile357/pseuds/bibliophile357
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mats and Benni celebrate their first wedding anniversary with a special surprise from Benni.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be the last chapter of the Hömmels 5+1, but it ended up much longer than intended and didn't really fit in that story. I couldn't make it any shorter either, so I decided to make it a series, because there is probably never enough written about them.  
> So here it is (well, a part of it, because it's still not finished) in its whole fluffiness :)  
> I hope you'll enjoy reading as much as I had fun writing it :)

 

 

Mats woke up to cold emptiness surrounding him instead of the familiar warmth of Benni’s body.

He refused to open his eyes, which would only confirm that the other side of the bed was truly deserted and he was left alone. He turned on his stomach and absentmindedly searched with his fingers for some hidden warmth on the crumpled sheets. He could still feel the faint scent of his husbands’ shampoo on the pillow and…

Mats was suddenly wide awake because holy shit, it was their first anniversary and he wanted to make a surprise breakfast to Benedikt, but he overslept. He missed the opportunity to give Benni a cute present and then spend the rest of the day with cuddling and just being together.

He felt like throwing up, because what kind of a partner was he? How on earth would he deserve someone as sweet as Benni?

Mats bit down on his lips, he needed to feel some pain for letting his love down in such a way and after digging stinging little half-moon marks in his palm, he exhaled sharply. He had to make things right.

With thoughts like this in mind Mats left the bedroom, only to return a second later, remembering that he saw something on the nightstand.

It was a blue envelope (schalke blue, of course) and his name was written on the back of it with Benni’s neat, curvy letters. Mats opened it with slightly trembling hands, feeling even worse, preparing himself for the most terrible outcome.

 

**Good morning, Mats :)**

**When we watched Gone Girl together you said that you’d like something similar to our anniversary. So here it is, the cute and non-psycho version :)**

 

Mats’ heart skipped a beat or more and that time was perfectly enough for his frustration to give place to an impossible amount of affection.

Benni was the kindest person he’s ever met and no matter how many times he fucked up, he always smiled at him with that sunshine-bright smile and everything was okay again.

 

**Darling, try to really wake up until you get to the coffee machine and don’t bump into the kitchen counter again, there are already way too much bruises on your hips.**

**I lost my point again, I can’t believe it. Actually I might have an excuse, because I’m writing this while you’re sound asleep and somehow your head ended up on my chest. I can't move my right hand properly. But I don’t want to disturb your sleep with too much movement, you have to be veeeery awake for today.**

**Can you open both of your eyes? Then go, the next note is under your coffee, I made it just the way you like it.**

**See you at the end of the game, hope you’ll have as much fun as I had with the preparations.**

**Love you, B.**

 

Mats sat down on the edge of the bed and even though he was very curious about the next envelope, he texted a quick message to Benni.

_Benedikt, you’re too perfect._

Benni responded in a matter of seconds with a winking emoji and two little hearts. Mats’ whole body felt lighter and more peaceful and he was staring at the screen of his phone while he made his way to the kitchen. Of course he crashed into the counter and he was amazed yet again by how well Benni actually knew him. Mats could already sense the tickling pain build up around his hipbones, but he was kind of used to his morning clumsiness and anyway, Benni enjoyed pressing feathery kisses on his countless bruises.

Mats took a gulp of the still warm coffee with just the right amount of milk and sugar and he opened the yellow envelope under it. Mats smiled as he started reading the second note, Benni was a man of details and he probably spent a lot of time in a shop to pick out the nicest envelopes.

 

 **You made it to the kitchen, wow** **:)** **Btw it’s quite funny to write to you like this, I can see your cute sleepy face while you read this note and clinch to the coffee cup like your life depends on it.**

 

Mats’ smile grew even wider and he almost forgot about his breakdown a few minutes earlier. Even Benni’s words were enough to calm him down, Mats could see him write the notes, the morning sun colouring his hair glowing golden, freckles slightly visible.

 

**At the beginning I had to count until ten every morning, just to see that our thing is not a dream and it’s _real_ real. You know what, Mats? Today (or for you it’s yesterday) I totally forgot it. I haven’t even realized it until late in the afternoon. My first thought was to tell it to you, but you were so caught up in trying out that new cake recipe that I decided to leave this to today (tomorrow? whatever).**

**This means that I needed almost a decade to finally accept it that our relationship, oh my God, I can say marriage, it’s been already a year… so _we_ are certainly a thing and there won’t be any cruel stepmother appearing out of nowhere to destroy it. **

**I started to really think about these insecurities. I know that you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and maybe you don’t even realize it, but you entangle our fingers and you hug me even tighter, as if you need a confirmation that I won’t be gone anytime soon.**

**Oh, and I only know this because sometimes I’m awake and I think of our first meeting, all those international breaks where we were rooming together and the entire team was sure that we were a couple. I think of those times when we fell asleep while we were on the phone and I had the best sleep in ages, because I could hear your steady breathing on the other end. And there were so many dates which we refused to accept as being dates, because we obsessively wanted to stick with being just friends.**

**As if we could ever be after those hasty, sweaty and timid kisses after matches…**

**Then I think of our wedding and I close my eyes and open it again then again and again. You’re still here, the ring is still where it’s supposed to be and my heart can resume beating normally, because everything’s alright, this is reality and there’s no need to be afraid (not when you’re sound asleep, curled up so achingly close to me).**

 

Mats felt hundreds of butterflies flutter in his belly and his body was suddenly too tight, insufficient to take in every emotion.

He wanted Benni right there, he needed to kiss him breathless and fulfil his every wish and dream, because his words were like cold ice cream on sunburn skin, steaming hot chocolate on frozen lips and the first breath after coming up from under the water.

 

**I actually can’t wait to see you after you’ve gone through this little journey. I don’t know how I’ll survive half the day.**

 

Mats chuckled softly, apparently he wasn’t the only one overwhelmed.

 

**But I think it’ll be worth it (and I’m not insecure anymore, can you believe it?)**

**Are you finished with your coffee?**

 

Mats could almost hear Benni’s question in his head and he drank the last sip imagining that Benni was sitting at the kitchen table, watching him with desire in his eyes.

 

**If yes, then go, you’ll find the next clues at the wardrobe.**

 

Mats put his empty coffee cup in the dishwasher and went back to their bedroom.

He saw a dark green envelope on a pile of neatly folded shirts as he opened the wardrobe door. Benni always insisted that green looked great on Mats and if the envelope hadn’t been a visible sign of it, Benni put a t-shirt with perfectly harmonizing colours under it.

Mats smiled at the small gesture and opened the third envelope, deciding that it was okay to have a lovestruck smile plastered on his face for the whole day.

 

**You’ve come to the exciting part, dear.**

**I wanted to draw a map, but I failed miserably, so you’ll find a printed google map in your car, with a few places highlighted. You told me once, probably at the very beginning, that you always liked going to camps when you were a child and treasure hunts were your favourite parts. Getting a map with clues, having to pay attention to every tiny detail…**

**This is similar, the only difference is that you won’t find any sweeties at the stations, but another envelope and well… memories.**

**But I won’t ruin the fun, go and find out yourself :)**

**P.S. The green t-shirt is not coincidentally on the top of the pile *wink wink***

 

It was strange, but Mats laughed out loud in their empty house at Benni being extremely subtle at his hints.

He got ready in less than ten minutes, put on the shirt that made Benni happy and unlocked his car. There was a white envelope on the passenger’s seat next to a paper bag with Mats’ favourite bakery’s label on it. Mats could smell the scent of the fresh pastries that always made him feel like home and he was not sure whether he could love Benedikt even more.

 

**Enjoy your extra unhealthy breakfast :)**

**The map is here, I numbered in which order you’ll have to visit the places.**

**Oh, and before I forget: the white envelope stands for unwritten stories, you know, those which are just waiting for you to be created.**

**Have fun, we’ll meet again soon <3**

 

Mats checked out the map and he saw circles around the house of Benni’s older sister, their favourite coffee shop, a local library, a DVD store and two other places he didn’t recognize at first sight.

He ate one of the delicious chocolate croissants and couldn’t wait to get started.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be reeeeeaaaally long, I don't even know how it ended up like this (okay, I might know, I needed some extra amount of fluff after writing schweinski angst). Oh, and I made up a badass sister for Benni, who plays a big role in this chapter.  
> Enjoy :)

 

 

Mats rang the bell and waited in front of Anja’s door. He felt a bit awkward, because even though they got on quite well with Benni’s sister, he could never erase their first meeting from his mind.

 

Well, it was not the best way to see his love’s sister for the first time with just a towel hanging loosely around his waist, water still dripping from his hair after taking a shower.

Anja stared at him for like an eternity and Mats felt utterly awkward and dumb. Then Anja casually said that she could understand that Benni chose Mats, because he had a hot body and the face of a model and she would definitely touch that six-pack if she wasn’t happily married to the love of her life. Oh, and she also told Mats that they could shake hands later, because she didn’t want the towel to fall off and reveal parts she was not sure she would have liked to see. Even though they might have probably been as impeccable as what was already visible. 

And when Mats wanted to go and dress up, the tiny Anja who was two heads shorter than him pushed him down on the sofa and said that it’s perfectly okay for her that Mats is almost naked, being a married woman didn’t mean that she was blind and she didn’t enjoy a nice view.

Then she threatened him with cutting off his balls if he hurt her precious little brother and she told Mats that she only came to see if he’s a suitable boyfriend.

After such a conversation – quite a one-sided one, Mats just stared amazed at the girl for most of the time - their relationship with Anja could only improve.

 

“There you are, pretty boy,” Anja greeted Mats with a wide grin and she had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheeks. Mats rolled his eyes at the endearment (was it one? he could never know for sure with his sister in law), but he hugged the girl, careful not to press against her belly.

“You look nice,” Mats told Anja, because she was truly glowing.

“Well, this little miss here,” she looked down on her growing belly and smiled at Mats, “she’s getting more and more excited. But come on in, let’s sit down.”

Mats followed Anja to the living room and saw a pink envelope on the table.

“Is that for me?” Mats asked Anja and she nodded.

“Benedikt left it here and he also told me some instructions, but you should read it first. I’ll get you some juice until you finish it.”

Mats did as he was told and opened the envelope smiling, he was pretty sure that the pink colour was chosen for their much awaited niece.

 

**I hope that Anj didn’t do anything stupid :)**

**Maybe she’s even more unpredictable than ever, now that she’s pregnant. But she’s cute and she’s family and she really likes you (but who doesn't like you, honestly?). So when I told her about my idea for today, she said that I should definitely include her as well, because we’re a biiiiiiiig happy family and she has something on her mind.**

**It turned out that when she didn’t send us all the photos she took at our wedding, because she wanted to use them as a gift later. But then the Little One came and she didn’t have the time and energy to do something with the pics. When I talked with her about today (I had to do with someone, I just couldn’t keep it all to myself :D) she remembered them.**

**And when I saw them… Every feeling came back and I just sat there for like five whole minutes staring at a photo where we were smiling, no, beaming at each other like nobody around us existed. Anja just laughed at me and said that I’m cheesy, but I really wanted to go home to you straight away and show you the pictures and tell you about all of these plans while making out on the sofa or something…**

**Sorry, I got carried away again :) Obviously I managed to keep the secret and the pictures are still at Anja.**

**There’s one which I’m sure you’ll like very much, that’s my favourite too.**

**I can’t wait to see you <3**

 

Mats put down the letter and saw Anja sitting in the armchair next to him, hands probably subconsciously resting on her belly. He didn’t even realize that she came back from the kitchen and she's been watching him read with a pleased expression on her face.

“You’re so adorable together,” she broke the silence and Mats shook his head and grinned at the same time, because if the overprotective Anja told this to him, to the man who married her little brother, well then they really had to be okay. More than okay.

“I got the photos developed for you, I guess you’ll like them,” Anja gave Mats a bigger envelope with the inscription _to my favourite lovesick idiots_ on it.

“Thank you, my favourite too-much-talking sister in law,” Mats ruffled up Anja's shoulder-length hair and he was ready to take out the photos.

“Don’t,” Anja was close to shouting and Mats looked at her with incomprehension written all over his face. “Shit, I almost forgot it and Benedikt would have killed me. You should only open it when you get to the second place from your map.”

Mats reluctantly closed the envelope and sighed at Benni being such a tease.

“Thanks again for this,” Mats stood up and put the smaller pink envelope in his pocket while keeping the other one in his hands.

“Just go, pretty boy, a lot of excitement’s waiting for you.”

Anja led Mats to the door and watched him get in his car.

“Bye, Anja,” Mats smiled at her once again, he was grateful for the kindness of Benni’s family.

“Don’t forget to visit me with Benedikt. I’m all alone half the day because Chris is at work and the baby girl will go crazy if I talk to her even more,” she waved goodbye and Mats drove away to the next location which was apparently a small park quite close to the house where Benni spent his childhood.

Mats took the last croissant and the envelope with the pictures with him and got out of the car. The weather was really nice, the playground was full of worrying mothers and little kids having the time of their lives. He was not sure how Benni had imagined finding a next envelope in a park where anyone could walk by so he just sat down on a bench a bit further away from the crowd and ate the croissant. That was when he felt his phone buzz.

_The next note is in the envelope with the pictures._

Anja probably called Benni when Mats left, so he could send the next instructions just in time. Mats could finally look into the envelope and Benni was right, the first thing he pulled out was another message from him.

 

**I really appreciate that you didn’t open it earlier (I know you didn’t and I love you for it). If you aren’t already sitting on a bench, go find one and get yourself comfortable, it’s a beautiful day :)**

**This was the park where mum took us with Anja when we were kids. I remember that Anja had the same badass aura back then and every girl and boy wanted to play with her, because she was brave enough to catch all kind of disgusting insects and worms. I was so much younger, she always introduced me as her baby brother and I got upset once that no one wanted to play with me.**

**So I decided that I’ll show them that I can go the fastest with the swing while I’m not actually sitting, but standing on my feet.**

**I ended up with a broken hand and that little scar on my forehead you always like to kiss.**

 

Mats saw a lot of pictures of baby Benni thanks to his mother and he fell in love even more at the sight of the little kid with a mischievous glimpse in his eyes. He could totally imagine a pouting mini-Benedikt making the enormous decision that it was time for every child to notice that he was there as well.

 

**When I grew bigger and the girls in class were giggling all day because the boys were teasing them and everyone seemed to be madly in love, then I often came to the park to run or just sit down and clear up my head. I secretly wondered about that special someone who’ll make me lose my mind and who’ll make me understand what’s going on with me at the same time.**

**Look at you, now you’re sitting on one of the benches where I daydreamed about you :)**

 

Mats would have liked to have Benni by his side so much, to just sit there together, maybe entangle their fingers and savour each other’s presence.

 

**I thought it might be the best place for you to see those pictures, it’s relatively quiet and now you know its story. I have to admit that Anja has a perfect eye for details.**

 

Mats carefully put the note back in the envelope and took out the pictures. He had to take a deep breath, because Benni got it right with Anja being an amazing photographer.

In the first pic Benni was in focus and he was looking at Mats with so much love and affection that it felt almost unbearable. In the next one both of them were laughing, tiny wrinkles in the corner of their eyes, because Mats tried to fix Benni’s bowtie but it resulted in a total mess. Then there was a shot with their holding hands behind the back of their chairs, assuming that no one saw them. He chuckled at the photo where the cheeky Anja captured him resting his hands much lower than necessary on Benni’s back (okay, it was practically on Benni’s exquisite ass) while they were dancing. They were glowing in each of the photos.

When Mats saw the last one he knew that it had to be the one Benni wrote about in the note at Anja’s. It was already in the morning when all the guests have left and they were sitting on the floor, remains of flower bouquets and confetti all around them. Benni was pressing a kiss on Mats’ cheek and Mats tried to wink, but it was such a long night that he looked like a half-blind owl exposed to stage lights. 

_The last one is your fave, isn’t it?_

It didn’t take too long for Benni to reply with a _you know me too well, Mats._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about it? I'm thankful for any kind of feedback :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, this chapter took me ages and it turned out to be extra extra long. Though I didn't see the point in cutting it in half, so here it is, just A LOT OF fluff.  
> Obviously, I can't write anything without flashbacks and nothing's really happening in this chapter except for Benni's next surprise. It mainly focuses on the dynamics of their relationship, presenting both POVs. I hope you'll like it :)

 

Mats looked around in the big library and he was completely lost. He knew that before becoming famous Benni liked to borrow books from that place, but even with that extra information, he rarely felt so out of place. Students were sitting at desks behind book towers and they were busy taking notes and drinking coffee.

The library was quiet, he could only hear the sound of turning pages so he took out the carefully folded map from his pocket to double check if he was really at the right place.

He was so focused on Benni’s map that his heart almost jumped out of his ribcage when someone tapped his shoulder.

“You’re Mats, right?” a pleasant voice whispered.

Mats turned around with his heart still frantically beating to see a middle aged woman behind him with some heavy-looking books in her arms.

“Yeah, I am,” he whispered back. “Can I help you with the books?” he asked then and the lady shot him an appreciating glance from under her glasses before handing Mats the books. She nodded in the direction of an office looking room and showed him where to put the pile of novels.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Mats asked her politely even though Benedikt and his next surprise was the only thing on his mind.

“Our little Benni found himself a true gentleman,” the woman smiled proudly at Mats who blushed slightly. “By the way I’m an old friend of Benni’s mother, you can call me Claudia.”

“Nice to meet you, Claudia,” Mats collected himself after the unexpected compliments and the awe that basically everyone he’s met in the city knew the Höwedes family and talked about them as about good old friends. “Has Benni, by any chance, left something here for me?”

“You’re a patient man, Mats, some others would have started with that right away.”

Mats chuckled and tried really hard to act like the patient man Claudia thought him to be, because he always felt an inexplicable urge to be someone who deserved the blonde angel that Benni was. And it apparently involved giving his best uncomplaining and charming version to an old family friend he’s first met like five minutes ago.

“Actually these books are for you and there’s also a letter for you on the desk. You can have a look, I’ll leave you here.”

Claudia was already gone by the time Mats thanked her, closing the door behind her.

The chair at the desk was full of papers and dictionaries seemingly arranged in some kind of a chaotic order, so Mats decided to sit down on the fluffy carpet instead of messing up something important for Claudia’s job.

He opened the envelope which was cream coloured, like the paper of Benni’s favourite books and their wedding invitations and started reading the next handwritten note.

 

**I don’t know how I ended up counting the letters of the alphabet, but did you know that there are ten letters between B and M?**

**I thought that maybe I can find something referring to our relationship in each of them and to make things even more interesting, a library seems to be a perfect place to hide – well, as I know Claudia will give you the books, but still, I can’t really find a more suitable word right now – the ten memories. So practically** **they’re not hidden, but it’s still a library and t** **here are ten dictionaries and you’ll find a note in each of them.**

**I had such a great time remembering everything, I hope you’ll feel the same way :)**

 

Mats hasn’t even opened the first book and he already felt overwhelmed by Benni’s caring kindness. He was not sure if his heart could survive the day if it continued like that, but it would have been the sweetest death possible, so he took the first dictionary in his hands and searched for letter C.

 

**C – Cinnamon.**

**This is not about me being unbelievably into everything that’s got cinnamon in it.**

**I actually thought about our first Christmas together, when you picked up a lot of (A LOT OF) mistletoes and by the time I got home you hung them everywhere around the house. And you also lit all the scented candles I’ve once bought when you weren’t there to stop me. The whole house was full of the mesmerizing cinnamon scent and I think I’ll always associate it with this stupid tradition.**

 

Mats remembered as he paced back and forth in the house and looked out the windows in each minute to see if Benni’s car was parked in front of the yard. He checked the mistletoe hanging from the chandelier in the living room and the one in the kitchen, because they didn’t seem as steady as the other ones were.

Then he started walking paths in the carpet again, just to recall that Benni bought some cinnamon-smelling candles, so he arranged them elegantly on the coffee table and spent some more time with lighting them.

“Hi Mats,” came Benni’s voice from the hall and Mats heard his approaching footsteps.

“Come in, I have a surprise to you,” Mats shouted back and Benni was there in a second.

“Ohhh, you know I love this scent,” Benni closed his eyes and inhaled deeply with sheer ecstasy on his face.

Mats closed the short distance between them and cupped Benni’s cheeks and he was awarded with an even brighter smile than the one evoked by the candles.

“Look up, Benedikt,” Mats caressed Benni’s cheekbones with his thumbs and softly raised his chin to see the mistletoe hanging just above them. Benni giggled when he realized Mats’ intention and it was the purest thing ever. The tiny lighter dots in his eyes were sparkling like gold and there were those adorable wrinkles in the corner of his eyes.

Mats was so in awe that he accidentally bumped their noses together as he wanted to kiss Benni, earning another soft chuckle.

His second attempt was more successful and they were both left breathless and flushed after they broke the kiss.

 

**Those days were all about kissing until our lips stung and every person looked at us with suggestive glances, because honestly, who wouldn’t have, when we were practically beaming and I guess we looked like we came straight from the bed. But it was just the mistletoes. And the bed.**

**Okay, let’s just do it again this winter <3**

 

Mats smiled and he could definitely imagine repeating the thing on their second Christmas spent together as husband and husband.

He took out Benni’s note from the dictionary and put the book away to make place for the next one, feeling sweet excitement when he opened it at D.

 

**D – Dandelion.**

**We had to babysit your four year old niece for almost a whole day and when she wanted to watch Frozen for the third time in a row we decided to go out in a park or do something that didn’t involve princesses.**

 

“I’m going to die if I have to listen to Let it go again,” Benni whispered in Mats’ ears, careful not to hurt the little girl’s feelings about her most favourite film ever.

Mats nodded in agreement and untangled their fingers to be able to sit down on the floor next to Katie.

“Hey, little princess,” Mats tried to use his most convincing voice. “Don’t you think that Elsa should rest a little bit?”

Katie shook her head with eyes still glued on the TV screen, mouth slightly open in concentration. Mats looked back at the helpless Benni sitting on the couch and then turned back his attention to his niece.

“It’s your decision, sweetie, but we’re going with uncle Benni to the playground and we’ll have soooo much fun,” Mats saw that Katie was finally more interested in him than in watching Frozen so he continued, emphasizing every word. “There are so many swings and slides and we can enjoy everything with Benni, while you’re just sitting here…”

“Okay, I’m coming,” Katie got up in a split second and Mats heard Benni’s relieved sigh from behind.

 

**It was your idea to pick some dandelion for her mother and it all went as you planned until Katie figured out that you’d look gorgeous with flowers in your hair.**

**You couldn’t say anything because she seduced you with her pleading blue eyes and I was actually quite excited about it. I remember the face you made when I joined Katie in asking uncle Mats to let us weave dandelion in your hair, because it would be soooo cute.**

 

“Benni, you can’t do this to me,” Mats was amazed by the mischievous glimpse in both his husband’s and Katie’s eyes.

“We can, uncle Mats, it will look great on you,” Katie was just four years old, but she used her charm annoyingly well. “And Benni will love you even more,” she added, making both of them laugh in surprise. Katie had her methods.

“You’re right, baby girl,” Mats surrendered and sat patiently in the grass while Katie climbed in his lap and arranged the flowers that Benni handed her in Mats’ hair.

After a while she decided that Benni should replace her and they switched roles, this time Katie was the one collecting the flowers and Benni played with Mats’ curls.

Mats shivered every time Benni took much more time than necessary to organize a dandelion. It was probably on purpose, because Benni had radiant smile on his face during the whole let’s-turn-uncle-Mats-into-a-fairy project and it grew wider every time Mats shuddered, because Benni knew very well that Mats loved when he was playing with his hair.

 

**In the end she said that you’re like a fairy that unfortunately has beard and it’s too tall. I think I laughed so hard that there were tears in my eyes and I could barely see you playing around with the little girl.**

**The next morning I still found a few petals in your hair.**

 

Mats realized that he was mimicking Benni’s movement from a few months ago as he was playing with a longer curl while he read the note. Though the feeling was not even close to Benni absentmindedly fumbling with his hair in mornings when both of them were still half asleep.

He put the second note next to the first one and looked for the third story.

 

**E – European Championship.**

**It was such a long time ago, you know, where everything started. I remember those awkward first discussions, because you were so talkative during the day, but when we were left alone in the room I had to ask you an awful lot of questions to make you talk.**

 

Mats considered himself a person who found it easy to connect with others and he was the one who was constantly talking during training and meals and the others were always wondering how he couldn’t shut up even for a minute.

Then there was Benni, and with him everything was different. He was more of a good listener than a big talker and his calm smile created a soothing atmosphere around him, at least that was what their teammates said.

Mats only knew that when they were left alone in their shared bedroom, the blonde boy seemed to be the most perfect human being on earth and he was almost afraid to talk to him, a thing which has never occurred to him before.

Benedikt was so nice, but Mats could barely answer his questions without making a complete fool of himself. He felt a strange kind of attraction and he decided that it was only because Benni was everything he wasn’t, calm and patient, and certainly not because he was quickly developing a crush on his roommate.

Mats was astonished even when he only watched Benni gracefully turn the pages of his book and he cursed his over-sensitive young brain for projecting inappropriate images of those long and elegant fingers. So he didn’t dare to initiate conversations with Benni, too afraid that something from his inner struggle will slip out of his mouth and he ’ll make his pining even worse.

But Benni was persistent and Mats had no clue what the blonde was seeing in him, when he was nothing else, but a mess of strange emotions. Maybe it was Benni’s kind smile that helped Mats collect himself after days of awkward interactions and he could be comfortable in Benni’s presence.

 

**After a week it was better and I was so happy that you finally weren’t so shy with me and you initiated conversations, because I fell for you right in the moment when I first saw you (cheesy, I know) and giving you all the time you needed to open up wore me out.**

**I didn’t care though, because nothing else mattered on those nights when you were talking passionately about your dreams while looking at me like I was the only person who could fully understand you.**

 

Mats thought about their first week together many times and after analysing every single memory he suspected that his initial feelings might have been reciprocated, but it still warmed his heart to read the confirmation from Benni. He couldn’t wait to get home after discovering the last bits of his anniversary present and show Benedikt how grateful he was for all this.

But for the time being, he just continued reading Benni’s handwritten love letters.

 

**F – Friend.**

**It’s kind of a sequel to the previous one, because after those long nights spent with talking and then reminding each other that there’s an early training and we need to sleep, but continuing nevertheless when another topic came up and another and another…**

**I don’t know how we survived two weeks with a sleeping pattern like that (your coffees helped a lot, though), but I couldn’t be happier with the way things turned out.**

 

During the days spent together at the tournament, Mats found out that the always balanced Benni could be rather grumpy right after waking up. Mats wasn’t a morning person himself, but a bit of cold water on his face helped him brush aside the dreamy haze. Things were completely different with Benni, who needed an incredible amount of caffeine before he could turn into his usual, sweet self.

After realizing this, Mats woke up a few minutes earlier every morning, knowing that Benni almost never heard the alarm and he silently left the room.

The waiters at the hotel got used to his sleepy face and by the third morning, they already prepared two cups of coffee for Benedikt and him.

“You’re an angel,” Benni thanked Mats for his efforts each morning when he found the warm coffee next to his bed. Thousands of butterflies started a feverish dance in Mats’ stomach and he was blushing embarrassingly. 

 

**Maybe it was the best for us, to start like friends and then refuse to become more and stick to friendship.**

**Did you know that the team had bets on each international break that it has to be the one when we finally admit that we’re in love? They were tired of us acting like a couple without actually being one.**

**But you know, it might be that our dumb no-touches-when-nobody’s-around rule shaped our relationship just the right way and everything felt more intense and entirely perfect after years of pining.**

**Okay, it still feels perfect and I doubt that it’ll ever change.**

 

Mats couldn’t agree more with Benni. Acting like his affection towards him was nothing but friendly love was pretty stupid, but Benni was right, because throughout the years they got the chance to know each other like the back of their hands and the switch from friends to lovers was magnificently easy.

Mats played with the golden ring on his finger while he opened the fifth book.

 

**G – Gold.**

**Brazil, of course. Though this time it’s not only the euphoria and that amazing feeling that we could be freaking finally relieved because we fulfilled our dreams and wrote history and proved everyone wrong…**

**No, I remember the moment when we somehow found ourselves strolling on the beach, far from the loud music and the elated crowd and I was so drunk like never before in my life. You were quite sober and I guess I could only stand on my feet, because I was hugging you tightly and I was so close to you that I could feel the warmth radiating from your body.**

**You didn’t even try to get rid of my arms around your waist, you held me and I couldn’t stop myself from murmuring countless iloveyous in your skin. It was the first time I said it aloud and it felt like the most natural thing ever, even through the alcohol’s haze.**

 

Mats was grateful for the chilly wind coming from the direction of the see, because he desperately needed something to keep him on the ground. There was the incredible joy of winning the trophy and he was not sure if he could comprehend it when everything seemed to be like a dream.

It didn’t help at all, that a wasted Benni was giggling in his shoulder as they were walking barefoot in the soft sand and Mats had to hold him tight, otherwise he would’ve probably slip or something. He was too close, achingly close and Mats desperately wanted was to kiss him and tell him that he was the most precious person in his life.

Of course he did nothing, because Benni was not at his best and Mats didn’t want to feel like he’s taken advantage of him.

That was why he had to bite down on his lips so hard that he tasted blood when he heard Benni say that he loved Mats. He had to remind himself that Benni was drunk and overjoyed and he probably didn’t mean it, even though that was the only thing Mats wanted to hear from him.

Benni repeated it again and again and Mats’ was only the verge of crying, because he knew that Benni didn’t want to hurt him and he couldn’t know how painful it was for Mats to hear those words over and over again without the reassuring knowledge that Benni really, truly meant it.

They sat down on the beach when Benni’s legs gave up, the waves of the ocean reaching their feet with tickling coldness.

Mats only repeated Benni ’s words, because he was sure that Benni couldn’t hear it because of the noise of the water crushing against distant rocks.

 

**The next morning I couldn’t decide if I heard you say it as well or it was just me projecting my desires onto the words I couldn’t quite remember. Fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long until I heard it from you when being totally conscious.**

**Well, half a year. But what is a few months compared to years?**

 

Mats had to read the last bits twice and he laughed out loud when he put the pieces together and realized that they could’ve actually got together almost half a year before they eventually did. It didn’t matter anymore, but they could’ve definitely avoided sleepless nights, wondering about each other’s feelings.  

 

**H – Honey.**

**Do you remember the moment when we both realized that if we let it, then our friendship can easily turn into being lovers?**

**I don’t know how on earth we agreed to play truth or dare with the whole team, I mean there were always infamous stories about these games and we were still sitting in a small hotel room, waiting for our turn. Half of the team was already drunk or almost entirely naked, because it was well over midnight and the easy dares and questions that were not uncomfortable were long forgotten.**

**You were sprawled on Basti’s bed only in your underwear and I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. Then Lukas got the chance to ask me and I said dare. I expected no good from his smug grin, but when Basti took out a jar of honey from his bag and gave it to Poldi…**

**My heart skipped a beat when my brain finally put the meaning of their words together and I understood that you and the honey were involved in the dare. Lukas drew thin honey-lines on your flat stomach, then up on your chest and on your neck.**

**I had to lick it off your hot skin, feeling your frantic heartbeats under my tongue and your piercing look on me.**

 

Mats couldn’t breathe properly. Benni’s tongue was on his naked upper body - that was his last coherent thought before he completely lost it.

He was glad that his training shorts were loose, because he felt all the blood leave his brain and he was more aroused than ever before.

Benni didn’t dare to look up at him and this time Mats didn’t mind that he couldn’t see those beautiful eyes, because he didn’t want Benni to notice that he was on the edge and he was hopelessly falling for his best friend.

Mats forgot about the fact that they were in a room full of people, he could only see Benni’s blonde head following the sticky honey pattern on his stomach, way too close to his throbbing erection. Benni was frowning in concentration as he got upper and upper, until he reached the sensitive skin around Mats’ nipples and he licked away the honey, making Mats a shivering mess.

When Benni accidentally touched his right nipple Mats let out a loud moan that he couldn’t contain anymore.

 

**I couldn’t keep eye contact with you I was so ashamed by the things I felt.**

**You were my friend and I shouldn’t have been so aroused by your closeness and the intimacy of the situation and by the incredible taste of your skin. It shouldn’t have been erotic and hot and it shouldn’t have made my insides melt, yet it still did.**

 

Mats felt his heartbeat speed up at the memory and he decided that they definitely had to repeat this little game with honey, this time Mats being the one who licked Benni’s endless white skin clean.

His hands were a little bit unsteady as he opened the seventh dictionary.

 

**I – Invitation.**

**It was your birthday in the World Cup year and you invited all of us to your party. It felt really nice to be together again as a team, it seems that you were the one who always came up with these team building kind of ideas.**

**Everybody left by the time the sun has started coming up, I was the only one still there. I helped you clean up a bit, we put the food back in the fridge, threw out the hundreds of empty beer cans and tried to make at least half your home confetti-free.**

**We were not drunk like in Brazil and when our hands brushed, none of us pulled away. And when we got to the door of your room and you should’ve entered and I should’ve gone to the guest room, because there was no point in going home at six in the morning, then you grabbed my hand and looked straight in my eyes.**

 

 _“_ I love you, Benedikt Höwedes,” Mats said solemnly and watched as a bright smile lit up Benni’s face and those warm brown eyes were so full of affection, that Mats could barely convince himself about the realness of the situation.

Mats felt Benni’s smile in their open mouthed kiss and he didn’t mind that it was incredibly hasty with their noses touching and teeth bruising sensitive lips.

It felt perfect, Mats didn’t want to let Benni go ever again, he just wanted to explore every tiny bit of his lips, he wanted to feel his stubble tickle his cheeks and he wanted to say that he loved Benni over and over again, because then he could kiss the corner of Benni’s mouth curled up in a satisfied grin.

 

**I knew that you were going to say it, and you did, you breathed sweet love declarations in our desperate, weariness-tasting kisses and our bodies were pressed together like never before, letting every wall built throughout the years crumble down, accepting the obvious.**

**All the clichés, that it is written in the stars, that we are souls separated at the creation of the universe, that we are meant for each other, the earth-shattering fireworks, everything seemed to be right.**

**We shared your bed and fell asleep pretty fast, but your hands were on my hips and I could pepper your cheeks carelessly with fluttering kisses and I had the best sleep of my life on your side.**

 

Mats remembered the day, it was probably his most memorable birthday ever.

It turned out that sleeping in the same bed with Benni was addictive and he could never have a comfortable sleep in hotel rooms again, because the familiar warmth was missing.

His legs started hurting from the way he sat on the floor of Claudia’s office and after a little bit of hesitation Mats lay down on his stomach and continued to read Benni’s notes.

 

**J – Jetlag.**

**You were there at the airport when I got back home after our preseason tour from the States and you shook hands with half the team with that smile of yours that charms everyone. Then you helped me carry my luggage to the car and we were holding hands on the way home each time the traffic lights were red.**

**We’ve spent only a week apart, but it was still enough to leave my suitcases carelessly in the car and rush to the entrance, to be finally able to get rid of our clothes and explore each other’s skin searching for tiny changes after days of separation and make love like I haven’t been home for ages.**

**You fell asleep pretty fast after taking a long shower together, but I was awake because of the time difference. I prepared some dinner and I was busy cleaning the mess after myself when you appeared in the kitchen door only in an oversized shirt, your hair disheveled and pointing to every direction.**

 

Mats could barely open his eyes, but he felt that Benni was not there next to him, just to realize that he was most likely wide awake somewhere in the house because of the time difference. He got up and put on a shirt that once belonged to Benni, but he started wearing it, because it smelled so much like Benni.

Mats went to the kitchen and saw that Benni just had dinner at that ungodly hour.

“Go back to sleep, Mats,” Benni said, but Mats has already decided that he’ll stay awake with his husband, because there was no training in the next day.

 

**You went straight to the coffee machine and when I asked you unbelievingly about what you were doing in the middle of the night with caffeine, you answered that you’re not gonna let me suffer because of time zones alone and you will stay up with me.**

**You drank a weekly dose of coffee and you got so energetic, that you insisted that I should go back to bed with you and we should definitely make up for the week lost and have sex until we were both exhausted enough to sleep again.**

 

Mats cleaned themselves up after a surprisingly huge amount of orgasms and covered Benni with a blanket.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow,” Benni laughed and Mats returned the smile as he felt Benni ease into his hug and got himself comfortable as the little spoon.

“You won’t have to,” Mats muttered in Benni’s shoulder and kissed the freckles there for the hundredth time that night. “I’ll even get you some breakfast in bed.”

Benni almost purred.

 

Mats couldn’t believe that there were only two dictionaries left, so he opened the penultimate one slowly, like he always did when reading a book too good he didn’t want to end.

 

**K – Kiss(es).**

**Our first kiss was a messy one. We were both hesitant and afraid, because you can’t just kiss your best friend and enjoy it, can you? It wasn’t even open mouthed, just our lips touching, but it still sent shivers down my spine and I could feel my throat going dry.**

**We looked at each other in horror after you’ve broken the kiss, probably just to take in a breath, but it was enough to realize what was going on.**

**The next week I avoided you and nobody knew what the hell went wrong with us. I was so shocked, because I couldn’t convince myself that the kiss was unacceptable and impropriate, it was exactly the other way around.**

**And I told you my insecurities after Jogi ordered us to make out, otherwise we could both warm the bench for the upcoming matches. You seemed to understand and we could act like nothing has happened.**

 

 _“_ Calm down, Benni,” Mats tried to sound calm himself, even though he wasn’t calm at all. “It happened, but we can forget about it.”

They both knew that it was impossible to forget, but Mats was almost sure that Benni wanted to hear that. He saw that Benni was uncomfortable during training and he couldn’t look in Mats’ eyes and he figured out that it must have been because of that kiss. Which felt too good to be real, but Mats has long accepted that Benni perceived him as his best friend and there was no point in forcing him to feel the way Mats felt.

“But…” Benni started hesitantly and Mats didn’t let him finish.

“There’s no but, Benni,” Mats was proud of himself that he could smile like it didn’t matter at all whether they accepted the kiss or not.

Of course, deep down it tore him apart, but it was for Benni’s good and he could survive a little bit of heartbreak if it meant that Benni was okay.

“So are we good?” he asked and Benni nodded with a shaky smile.

 

**But the tension was there, and it didn’t go away when I wanted to kiss your cheek as a greeting you turned your head and I pecked your lips instead, or when somehow in the middle of a mess what goal celebrations are you pressed a little kiss on my neck and I was dizzy for the remainders of the match.**

**We knew that the initial agreement was slowly falling apart with every intimate touch we just couldn’t hold back. But I wanted you so bad and I told you it in Brazil, even if I had to be drunk to finally gather the courage.**

**We didn’t kiss then, because you’re a sweetheart and I know that you would’ve wanted us to be completely sober when the first real kiss happened.**

**It was worth the wait, though.**

 

Yes, it was worth every wait.

Mats looked at the last dictionary and sighed that it almost came to an end. Before reading the last part of Benni’s surprise he checked the initial map again to see how many places were left. Three.

Mats opened the only book left and until he found the letter L he came up with an idea.

 

**L – Liebling.**

**There was that time when Basti and Lukas were setting everyone’s nerves on the edge because they were making out all the time when there were no media representatives around.**

**Philipp tried to talk to them about the notion of privacy, but the lovebirds’ self-restraint lasted for a training session, then they were back for dinner, Lukas almost entirely sitting in Basti’s lap.**

**Then Manu invented the masterplan that actually worked, even if we had to come up the worst and cheesiest endearments that have ever existed. I can’t even understand what was going on in Manu’s mind when he said that the two of us should act as overly romantic as possible (and they all had an all-knowing look on their faces when we said in perfect unison that we are not a couple, and we’ll never be).**

**So we called each other on stupid pet names.**

 

 _“_ Can you pass me the salt, my sweet little bunny?” Mats asked Benni at the dinner table and he wondered how he was able to say it out loud with a serious face.

 “It’s my pleasure, sugar pie,” Benni handed him the salt and damn if Mats didn’t see Benni look at him with the most perfect heart eyes ever. But probably he was just fantasizing.

During a break in next morning’s training session they sat down close to Basti and Lukas.

“Don’t you think, baby cake, that we should spend more time together?” It was Mats’ time to initiate a stupid conversation like that. He didn’t realize that his question sounded very filthy because he was panting after some high intensity exercises until he saw Benni’s entire face go red in a matter of seconds. Basti stared at him questioningly, but he almost immediately continued kissing Lukas’ neck.

“Honey bug, you’ve got the sweetest smile that I’ve ever seen,” Benni said after finishing a media session and Mats laughed at something Bastian said. Mats stumbled on his own feet.

A few days later Benni gave Mats his water bottle after training and Mats smiled at him in appreciation.

“You’re definitely a knight in shining armour, my sunshine,” Mats thanked him and Jogi shook his head bewildered until the giggling Thomas enlightened him about the Plan.

 

**At the beginning nothing has changed, Lukas and Basti were still cuddling on every possible occasion and we only earned a few confused looks from their part.**

**Then I called you honey bee and you somehow managed to stay calm, although your Dortmund teammates were tearing up they were laughing so hard. You responded with the most charming smile and a shameless wink, which seemed all too real despite the fact that in theory we were only playing our roles.**

**I blushed probably and you asked with the calmest face ever if the others thought that we were cute enough to be on the same level with Basti and Poldi.**

**That was the point when they realized that we were mocking them and thank God they started paying attention.**

**Oh, and everyone called you honey bee for the next two years.**

 

A smile was playing on Mats’ lips when he closed the last book and got up on his feet, stretching his numb arms. He took out his phone and dialled Benni’s number.

“Is there something wrong?” Benni answered on the second ring.

“Not at all, almost everything’s perfect,” Mats said and it felt so good to hear Benni’s voice again.

“Almost?” Benni asked back and he sounded a bit startled.

“Oh, don’t worry, the gift is amazing, I can’t believe that you actually did this,” Benni let out a relieved sigh on the other end of the line. “I just miss you,” Mats finally said. “And I was thinking that maybe you could join me? I mean, it would be so good to have you here and share everything with you. I know this was not your plan, but…”

Benni stopped Mats’ ramble with a soft laugh.

“It’s not my plan, but I kind of miss you too. Where should we meet?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm grateful for every feedback :)  
> I'm quite insecure about the structure and if my concept is coming through or not and I'm very curious what you think about it :)  
> And of course, thank you for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the story :) I hope that there'll be more regular updates from now on, but I was on holidays and I didn't really have the time to write, I just came up with loads of new ideas and I'm full of inspiration. Which is good I guess :)  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and I can't say it enough times how much I appreciate that you're here reading, leaving kudos, taking your time with comments... Thank you <3

 

Mats didn’t wait for Benni to get to the entrance of the library. No, he did the exact thing they so often laughed at when they accidentally caught a glimpse of a rom com on TV. He almost ran towards Benni and they even stopped for a split second when they met halfway.

They were so close that Mats could’ve counted every faint freckle on Benni’s cheeks. He could only hope that the radiant smile on his face expressed all the gratitude and love he felt, because he was sure that even his talkative self would have found difficulties in putting everything in words.

He leaned even closer to Benni and kissed the tip of his nose because that always made him giggle softly and the sound did amazing things to Mats’ heart.

“Good to see you,” Mats said quietly, careful not to destroy the intimacy of the situation.

“I love how needy we are,” Benni’s lips were still curled up in a happy smile and Mats wondered how they were able to get through half the day without being so close.

“This needy,” Mats breathed the two words hovering above Benni’s slightly open lips and finally closed the distance between them.

And although Mats said that he was basically desperate to feel and touch his husband, the kiss was a deliciously patient one. Mats smiled into the kiss as Benni bit down gently on his lower lip, not hard enough to bruise it, but perfectly enough to cause a tiny stinging feeling that made Mats dizzy. In exchange Mats covered Benni’s cheekbones with light butterfly-kisses before returning to his lips. They both smiled.

“Maybe we should go, hm?” Mats asked and Benni intertwined their fingers. He kept on drawing small circles with his thumb on the inner side of Mats’ wrist, just above the bracelet they bought together.

“Would you like to drive?” Mats asked Benni when they arrived to the car, but Benni said no.

“It’s still your present,” he let go of Mats’ hand and opened the door at the passenger seat. “I’m just assisting here.”

“As you wish,” Mats took out the map from his pocket before taking place next to Benni. “The coffee shop is the next one, isn’t it?”

Benni nodded and Mats started driving. After a minute Mats felt Benni’s hand on his right thigh and a bright smile lit up his face as he looked over. Benni seemed content and happy and Mats was extremely glad that he called him.

“You know what?” Mats broke their comfortable silence. “I actually wanted to wake up this morning to make you breakfast in bed, but I didn’t hear my alarm.”

Benni’s sweet laughter filled the car.

“The idea was nice though,” Benni somehow managed to pronounce the words while still laughing.

“Are you mocking me?” Mats pretended to be hurt, but the smile playing around his lips gave him away. Benni’s cheeks were coloured in a light pink when he answered.

“You know I’d never do that.”

Then he burst out laughing again and Mats shook his head as he parked the car, because contrary to popular belief Benni could be quite quirky when he wanted to.

“Sure,” Mats let Benni enter the café first and they sat down at their table in the corner. They always chose that one, not only because it was quite a hidden place, but also because it offered a great view on the owner of the shop who was taking orders and chatting with clients all the time and his magician hands were moving extra fast while making the best coffee ever.

They ordered their drinks, sticking to their routine with Benni opting for the one with the most cinnamon in it and Mats picking something he hasn’t tried before. It was some Japanese plum cream coffee this time, which probably didn’t fit in their diet, but he already ruined it with having croissants for breakfast.

Soon their coffees arrived and there was a neat brown envelope on the wooden tray with Mats’ name written on it.

“Should I read it only to myself or…?” Mats looked at Benni and took out the contents of the envelope.

“You can, I know what’s in it,” came the response, but Mats decided that if they were together then his coffee could wait and he started reading the note aloud.

**I hope you’re sitting at our table when you read this, because you’ll need to think a bit. There’s a pen and another piece of paper in the envelope and if you’d like (and I really really really hope that you’d like) you could write a bucket list on it.**

Mats lifted up his eyes to see Benni’s gaze fixed on him, a little bit worried about Mats’ reaction. So Mats smiled at him when he continued reading.

**I know that it’s a bit cliché, but still, it’s quite endearing, isn’t it? To plan things, to enjoy every moment of the fulfilled ideas, to be able to laugh together when it doesn’t  end up like it was supposed to and it’s maybe even better that way…**

**So this would be the thing. I have a little list in my mind and it would be fun to share them with you in the evening. We haven’t really planned big things until now and I’m not saying that it wasn’t amazing, because everything’s amazing when you’re involved, but now we can be finally sure of our relationship and there’s no need for uncertainty, which means that we can have future goals together.**

**Wow, it feels so good to write this down.**

“It feels good to read it,” Mats said, his voice warm and affectionate, and Benni’s shy smile was the best thing on earth.

**If you’re in, then drink your coffee (I wonder what you’ve chosen this time) and make your own list. I can’t wait to see it. And see _you_ , of course.**

Mats put down the paper and took a sip of his coffee.

“So?” Benni asked quickly and he was fumbling with the corners of his napkin while waiting for an answer.

“It’s delicious. You can barely feel the coffee, the taste of the plum is so strong…” Benni knew that Mats was trying his patience, but he still opened his mouth to ask again because he was too curious to let Mats play with him for an eternity.

 “Your idea is even better,” Mats was faster and his words dissolved the clouds of uncertainty. Benni immediately stopped with his anxious movements and he was not frowning anymore.

“Do you want to do it together?” Mats covered Benni’s hand resting on the table with his own and he enjoyed the cold touch of the ring on his palm.

“Yeah, I would like it a lot. Do you need some time to think?”

“You can start it and then we’ll see,” Mats said and gave the pen to Benni. “You should be the one to write it down, you know that my handwriting’s a mess.”

“Okay,” Benni hesitated a little bit, not sure how to start. “Well. I would love to spend a winter holiday just with you. It was nice to get known to all your relatives last December and I guess my family would like us to visit them this Christmas, but we could go away for a week after that, to Austria or somewhere else, it’s not that important, and rent a little house in the middle of nowhere. We could watch as the snow covers everything from the cosy warmness.”

Benni drank a bit from his coffee and continued, making vague gestures with his hands while he described how he imagined their holiday. Mats could be a great listener and he could never get enough of Benni being passionate about something, so he nodded encouragingly each time his husband paused.

“We could cuddle the whole day wrapped up in blankets and I don’t know, maybe we could leave that little heaven from time to time and walk in the snow or go skiing. When we get back the wind would be howling outside, but there would be blistering fire in the fireplace and everything would be oh so warm again.”

“And we’d have hot chocolate,” Mats added. When he was a little boy he always drank an incredible amount of hot chocolate with his brother on cold winter evenings and doing that again with Benni would have meant a lot to him.

“Yeah, and we could play scrabble all day, you could test out the recipes you’ve been collecting for a while, but couldn’t try because you haven’t got any time. We could lock out the whole world for a week and forget about any kind of expectations.”

Benni’s description was so detailed that Mats could actually see them sitting in front of a fireplace, Benni’s face glowing in the auburn light, all soft edges and delicate curves. They would be kissing and making out slowly for the entire night.

“Let’s do this,” Mats finally said when he realized that Benni was finished and was waiting for his opinion. “I want to see…” then he stopped.

“You’d like to see what?”

“This will sound incredibly cheesy, but. When you’re out in the cold for a longer time your nose and cheeks are always so red and I wonder if we’d be in that house of your dreams and we’d be after skiing how much time I would need to…” Mats cleared his throat and his voice was suddenly much huskier. “For how long would I have to kiss you to warm you up and turn that cold redness on your cheeks to a burning flush? You know that you’re blushing when you’re aroused, don’t you?”

Benni blushed, of course.

Then he collected himself and looked into Mats’ eyes.

“I guess that means that I can write it on the list.”

Mats watched as Benni scribbled their first wish on the paper and he was caught off guard yet again by how beautiful his hands were and how well they fitted in his own. And how nice it looked, the endless milky whiteness of Benni’s skin against Mats’ faint summer tan.

“It’s your turn,” Benni said and Mats started talking with his chin resting on his hands.

“If we’re at winter, then we should definitely go to a Weihnachtsmarkt together. No one would recognize us in big scarves and we could do so many things. Buy unnecessary Christmas decoration for our families, drink Glühwein when our hands are so cold and numb that we can barely take out the coins to pay. We could stroll and stare at every small stand, searching for the most delicious looking gingerbread and stopping when the scent of the cinnamon fills the chill air and you feel the need to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Even though your nostrils would probably freeze. You’d still do it if it’s cinnamon,” Mats chuckled and there was that familiar fond look in Benni’s eyes that, among thousands of other things, made Mats hopelessly fall for him.

“Oh, I always played that I was a dragon in disguise when I was little and I saw my breaths in the air,” Benni smiled and Mats did the same. It was way too easy to smile around Benedikt.

“You’re bigger now, but since Game of Thrones I’m kinda into dragons, so no problem.”

Benni wanted to pinch Mats or something, but he reminded himself that they were grown up men and in a café, so he just rolled his eyes and noted visiting a Weihnachtsmarkt as their second plan on the list.

“We’ve got two winter ones,” Benni stated after he was done with writing.

“Do you have something more summery?” Mats asked him and Benni slowly nodded. He was tracing the thin lines on Mats’ palm while he talked.

“We could go back to Croatia again, without the whole national team and savour the silence. You said then, after Brazil, that there are a few places on the shore where the only thing you can hear is the crashing of the waves against rocks and squawking seagulls.”

“I’d like that. I liked it with the others too, but it’s a lot different just with you,” Mats agreed with Benni.

“But there’s still something,” Benni continued. “We could swim far into the sea until we can’t feel our arms, the water is smooth and the sun shines so bright that the sky melts into the sea at the horizon,” Benni saw the scenery under his closed eyelids and he was glad that Mats patiently waited until the end of his daydreaming and he didn’t seem bothered at all that it took Benni a few minutes to go on with his idea.

“When we are too worn out to swim anymore, we could float on our backs and let the waves bring us back to the coast. Maybe holding hands, to be sure that we don’t depart in that never-ending blueness. Then we’d shiver until the sun dries our skin and we’d just lie there in the sand and balance on the border of falling asleep and staying awake.”

“And I would give your burned skin a nice aloe vera massage in the evening like after the World Cup,” Mats’ dreamy smile reflected Benni’s. “I like this and I know a place quite close to my villas. Well, basically our villas now.”

“I’ll write it down then,” Benni said and Mats was already thinking about what to say next.

“Do you remember when you had to lick off the honey off my skin?” Mats asked and a little _oh_ left Benni’s mouth and his pupils were dilated as he probably recalled the memory. “I’m stupid, of course you remember, it was at letter H.”

“I think we both remember it very well,” Benni’s voice was a mere whisper and Mats already felt some tension building up in his lower belly. He leaned across the table to get closer to Benni and he talked so softly that Benni had to fix his eyes on his lips in order not to miss a single word.

“I would like to show it to you how good it felt. That it was the hottest thing that’s happened to me until we first slept together. You wouldn’t know how many times I woke up during nights, because I dreamed of you and I could stroke your hair while your lips were doing wonders and…”

“I know,” Benni mumbled and Mats had to swallow hard at his announcement, because fuck, if it meant so much for both of them then it would be even better to repeat everything.

“First I’d help you lose your clothes, slowly, very slowly and you’d be lying on the bed and I’d let you decide where you want me to put the honey. I love that your voice is so much deeper when we’re in bed and I’m sure that it would make both of us hard that you can barely speak and I’m still not reaching out to touch you as you’d like to, it’s just the cold honey dripping on your flushed skin.”

Their foreheads were touching and Mats saw the whole universe explode in Benni’s warm eyes.

“You don’t have to continue,” Benni’s breathing was uneven and shaky, but Mats smiled and went on.

“Oh, I have to, we’re just getting to the best part. I’ll be so patient, Benedikt. I want to feel your every shudder under my tongue and the honey wouldn’t even taste sweet compared to you. Sometimes I would lift my head, look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. Or maybe kiss you on the lips to share the sugary aroma with you.

Just remember, you decide where you’d like me to touch you. But I’d definitely want to…”

Benni kissed Mats before he could finish the sentence that would have most likely meant the end of their treasure hunt, because they would’ve rushed home to make love.

They only parted their lips when they were both out of breath and Mats laughed, a rich throaty sound that was usually reserved for their bedroom.

“This should be the first one we check off,” Benni grinned and drew a tiny heart next to their fourth plan. “Honestly, I don’t know if I can come up with anything after this.”

Mats looked proud of himself as he caressed Benni’s cheek and leaned back on his seat, keeping some distance between them for the sake of their own sanity.

“No, I love this game. I’ll get us some water to cool down, until that you can think about it. I mean if you’d like to, I don’t want you to…”

“You’re not forcing me, hey. It won’t be this mindblowing but I have something. Though first we totally need some cold water.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, observing the people coming and leaving.

“Are you ready?” Mats finally asked and Benni took a deep breath.

“Yeah, it’s just… you were pretty detailed. Not that I mind,” Benni’s smile turned from shy to playful in a matter of seconds earning a charming wink from Mats. “So. What about going to an open air cinema?”

“I don’t even remember the last time I was in a cinema…” Mats mused.

“Me neither, that’s why I’d like to do it and maybe the risk of recognition is not that high at a tiny place. We could choose one with old black and white films,” Benni suggested.

“With Marlon Brando,” Mats added, nodding eagerly.

“I thought you like blondes,” Benni teased him and Mats snorted.

“Benni, you were half-dead a minute ago because you imagined how I’d give you the best blowjob of your life. If I were you I would just…”

“I can’t believe that you wanted to say that you’d shut up,” Benni interrupted him. “You always talk. And you’re unquestionably into me.”

“I…” Mats started, but then he decided to stop and kiss Benni instead, forgetting completely about their previous efforts to write their list without giving a show to everyone around them.

“You’re right, I have a thing for blondes. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy Brando,” Mats whispered in Benni’s ear and pressed a kiss on the sensitive skin before sitting back like nothing happened.

“Uh,” Benni’s lips were beautifully red. “Then I’ll add watching hot and talented brunettes on the list.”

Benni was not sure what Mats muttered under his breath when he looked down at his empty coffee cup, but his eyes were shining when he lifted his gaze back to Benni.

“It’s my turn, huh?” Mats asked.

“Just be careful with my heart,” Benni said and he could relish in watching thin laugh-wrinkles appear in the corner of Mats’ chocolate eyes.

“It’s not that extra, don’t worry. Would you like to go to New Orleans?

“Mardi Gras?” Benni guessed and Mats nodded.

“It always seemed to be like a different world and maybe we could even celebrate your birthday there. No one would recognize us in the crowd and when we’re tired of the carnival atmosphere, we could just pick a random jazz club and drink some champagne while enjoying the music. Then go out on the streets again and take in the colours and costumes and just… be present. Hm?”

“Sounds nice,” said Benni and wrote New Orleans after number six. “Maybe after we retire, because there are always matches and training. But yeah, I’d like to go.”

They didn’t speak for a while again, Mats looked at his watch and Benni ate one of the candies which were served with their coffees with a distant look in his eyes.

“Do you want to stay more or should we go?” Mats broke their silence, because it was already past three o’clock and there were at least two more places left.

Benni furrowed his eyebrows like he wanted to say something, but then he just softly shook his head and stood up. Mats wondered what happened suddenly to Benni’s mood because his smile was gone and he seemed a bit bothered.

They were already sitting in the car and Mats wanted to start the engine when he felt Benni’s fingers on his right hand.

“Mats?” he asked very quietly.

“Yes?”

“Have you thought about retiring?”

“We’ve still got a few years left. And I was worried about it before, but since we’re together I know that we’ll figure out something to…” he couldn’t finish it because Benni was staring at him with huge eyes filled with so many emotions that it was impossible to distinguish every one of them.

“I asked it the wrong way. Have you thought about _us_ after retiring?” Benni looked down on their hands, avoiding Mats’ gaze.

Mats raised Benni’s chin with his other hand and then he could see it. He could see the quickly changing fear, insecurity and the thousands of questions in Benni’s eyes. And the love, affection and longing and then… He knew.

“You’d like to…” there was a lump building up in Mats’ throat but he continued nevertheless. “You’d like to have kids.”

Benni closed his eyes and Mats unbuckled the safety belt because he had to hug Benedikt tightly and make him forget about any kind of doubts he had. Benni hid his face in the crook of Mats’ neck and hugged him back, clinching to him like it was the end of the world. Mats stroked Benni’s hair and didn’t want to let him go until there was still some tension left in his body.

“I would love to have children with you, Benedikt,” Mats didn’t care that his voice was raspy and shaky and too full of the intensity of everything.

Then he told Benni not to worry, because even though they never talked about it Mats wanted it too and he could see Benni being a perfect daddy to beautiful little babies who needed a caring family and he said that he loved Benni so so much and when he couldn’t find the right words anymore he just pressed delicate soothing kisses on Benni’s temple and listened to his slowly steadying breaths.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this is the last part, I hope you will enjoy it in all its extra-fluffiness :)  
> Thank you incredibly incredibly much for reading this story and also for leaving kudos and adorable comments. Thank you <3

 

 

“I’d like to retire like right now and adopt at least five children,” Mats said and he tried really hard to look serious. “We go to the last two places and I’m calling my agent.”

“I’m sure he would take you to a drug test first,” Benni raised his eyebrows in response and it didn’t take much until Mats’ fake seriousness turned into a wide grin with all the heart-melting package that came with it and somehow still managed to weaken Benni’s legs, even after so many years. Delicate wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, a bright sparkle softening the chocolate brown, those tempting lips curling up… Benni caressed Mats’ cheekbones because he just couldn’t keep his hands to himself and he watched as the smile slowly washed away and Mats left his lips slightly open, an invitation.

Benni pulled away from Mats before getting too involved in kissing each other breathless again.

“Hey, I want to be kissed,” Mats complained, but Benni was already in the car so he shook his head. “You’re such a tease.”

“I’m just reasonable,” Benni said when Mats fastened his safety belt. “It’s already past four and I’ve checked the weather forecast and there should be some rain around six. We better get home before that.”

“Okay,” Mats muttered and he took out the map from his pocket. “I didn’t realize that we spent so much time with lunch.”

“We basically decided what the names of our future kids will be, it was more difficult than we expected,” Benni smiled.

They ended up with Emma or Miriam for a girl and Leon, Maximilian or Aaron for a boy, but Benni needed all his skills to convince Mats that Anja wouldn’t be the best choice even if it’s a cute name because his sister would never shut up about naming their baby girl after her. And Mats had to talk for a good five minutes until Benni gave in and accepted that they won’t have a boy named Julian because Mats didn’t like his middle name at all and he couldn’t understand why Benni thought that it sounded good when he lived almost thirty years with the belief that it was awful.

“But it was nice,” Mats’ fond expression did incredible things to Benni’s heart and jokes aside, he really really wanted to finally live their lives far from the attention of the media and he wanted his only problem to be to decide whether Mats or him should go with the kids to kindergarten. He could imagine hundreds of situations like that and it felt warm and fuzzy in his chest. “Though first I’d like to see what these two stations are,” Mats accentuated his words by pointing at the two locations which were a good fifteen minute drive from each other taking in consideration the afternoon traffic.

“You know what, I’ve got an idea,” Benni wriggled in his seat until their shoulders were pressed together and he was close enough to see the map better. “We could leave out this place here and go straight to that little field where we once watched the stars.”

“What happens to the DVD store?” Mats asked curiously. They visited the place quite frequently because according to Benni it made him feel like he had a somewhat normal life. They tried to go to the cinema a few times but they’ve always got recognized so Benni suggested that they should go to that store where you could find any film you wanted. They quickly became regular customers and Mats had to admit it that it was a lot of fun to go there with nothing specific in their mind, have a good laugh at some atrocious DVD covers and then spend an hour with picking the perfect film. It was nice and the genuine excitement spreading across Benni’s face every time they entered made it even better.

“We can skip it. Do you remember that the last time we went there they were about to launch this new project?”

“That one with the playlists?” Mats put away the map and started driving to the less populated area of the city with some lovely, untouched fields. He saw from the corner of his eyes that Benni nodded.

“I checked out the other day and it’s actually quite great. You can make a gift music playlist or a film rec list for your friends, partner, family… they even made some cabins where you can listen to any kind of music and then the staff makes you a special DVD with the songs, you just have to go back after it in a few days. But I’ve got them on my phone too…”

“And I’ve got my earphones and we could listen to it while watching the clouds,” Mats finished Benni’s sentence and Benni’s answer was a smile brighter than the sun.

 

They walked hand in hand out in the field and it felt almost surreal that they could be so alone, just the two of them and the endless green grass, inviting as always. They strolled in silence, Benni caressed the soft inside of Mats’ hands from time to time and Mats occasionally leaned closer to him and brushed his nose against Benni’s cheeks or pressed a short kiss on the corner of his mouth. The sun coloured Benni’s blonde eyelashes golden.

They lay down on the grass after a while, but before that Benni gave Mats the last envelope. It was light blue, just like that lazy afternoon sky and Mats opened it with slow motions because they were at the end of their game and he could hardly believe it.

“I should’ve brought it out here around the time you called, but anyway. You should read it,” Benni breathed into Mats’ neck and he needed to squeeze his eyes shut because this whole thing was simply _perfect_. Mats sat up and started reading it aloud and Benni looked up at him and he didn’t even listen to the words, he just enjoyed the familiar sweet sound of Mats’ voice and Mats’ silhouette fading into the sunshine.

**The last one, huh? I reread the other letters and my first reaction was disappointment, because there are so many memories and feelings I had to leave out and my initial goal was to make us remember everything.**

**Now I see that I didn’t include our first fight, that one time when you wanted me to shave your beard and it took a good two hours until you were finally clean-shaven because we spent more time with kissing. Or there were those nights when you were the sweetest thing ever and you put up with me after a loss… or the other way around. And I’m just sitting here…**

Mats paused at that point and looked down at Benni with a dreamy gaze and their smiles mirrored each other. He swept away longer curl from Benni’s forehead and continued reading.

**It’s just a single day, after all. More special probably, but oh my, every day is special with you, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that I can’t fit like ten years in a few pages. I’m glad that we have so many memories, and not only from this year but ever since we’ve met. It’s beautiful.**

**So eventually, this wasn’t too bad, was it? Just tiny bits of what we are, but hey, you’re probably lying on the grass and I really hope that the sun is shining and there are funny shaped clouds and well… it’s cheesy-ish, full of clichés and all this stuff but I’m just so happy about us. That we’ve got so many memories and there are so many yet to come. That you’re there at this Hollywood rom-com setting and you read this mess of a letter. That I – we – have no need to be insecure because we’re well and fine. That there’s was nothing extra about this field but the fact that we were stargazing here made it unique. That I can write these things and you won’t laugh at me. That we know each other too well, perfectly well.**

**I just couldn’t be happier.**

**Just lay on your back, watch the sky for a while. Then come back home, I’ll be waiting for you <3**

Mats put back the letter in the envelope and a radiant smile spread across his features. He hesitated a bit before lying down next to Benni and he shifted until Benni drew him even closer in a tight hug and Mats could finally rest his head on Benni’s chest. Benni immediately started playing with Mats’ hair, curling them around his finger then letting them straighten again.

“You’re the best, you know,” Mats mumbled the words in Benni’s t-shirt and for a while there was nothing but the soft raising and falling of Benni’s chest and the rhythmical song of his heartbeats under Mats’ ear.

Benni squirmed under Mats because he was practically covering him by then and pulled out his phone and earphones from his pocket. Mats leaned on one of his elbows while he helped Benni untangle the cords and kissed his neck when he returned to his previous comfortable position. They shared the earphones and Benni put on the surprise playlist, making Mats grin right away because the first one was the theme song of Game of Thrones.

They decided on their last holiday to rewatch all of it and they spent the winter evenings cuddled up and wrapped in cozy blankets. Mats needed them to stop after every episode because he wanted to talk about the great direction or acting or visual effects and Benni had to silence him with kisses and press the start button while keeping Mats distracted. Otherwise they wouldn’t have finished the thing.

Mats traced the lines of Benni’s ribs while listening to the music and he felt like melting so close to him. Benni occasionally breathed small kisses on Mats’ temple and he never stopped playing with the dishevelled curls.

“Benni?” Mats asked silently after a few songs, all evoking nice memories. _Auf uns_ bringing back the goosebumps of Brazil and that magical night, _Flowers in your hair_ reminding them of that time when they babysat Katie and Mats really had flowers braided in his hair, something that could be possibly repeated if…if they would have children. _Sail_ was a throwback to the days when they were on international break and they listened to each other’s music for a good two weeks, making fun of each other’s taste.

“Yeah?” Benni caressed Mats’ cheek, his fingertips were barely brushing against skin, but it was enough to send shivers down Mats’ spine.

“Thank you so much for this day and…” Mats wanted so bad to be able to tell more and express all the excitement and love and fondness he felt the whole day, but every time he opened his mouth the words didn’t seem to be suitable. They weren’t as poignant as he wanted them to be, like they lost every meaning they had in the moment Mats wanted to form coherent sentences. But Benni sensed his uncertainty and he drew Mats closer, if it was even possible and raised his chin to look him in the eyes.

“Shhh, I understand,” Benni’s voice was a mere whisper but that, and the dazzling tenderness shining in his eyes calmed down Mats’ frantically beating heart in a second. Benni always _knew_ and it made Mats incredibly grateful.

And Mats didn’t have to fight with words anymore because Benni intertwined their fingers and kept on drawing tiny circles on the sensitive skin of Mats’ wrist.

Mats must have fallen asleep for a bit because when he opened his eyes again the sky’s blue was a shade darker and the greyish outlines of the clouds promised the rain Benni was talking about earlier.

Mats looked up at Benni but he was sound asleep too, the music still playing in their ears. It was such a dreamy situation and it was strangely similar to that one when Mats proposed Benni… He didn’t have the strength to shatter their thin bubble by waking Benni up. He stroked Benni’s side and he let his hand explore the thin line of skin revealed at his waistline, enjoying that each brush of his fingertips drew a quiet sigh from Benni.

Benni only woke up when the first raindrops fell on his cheeks and he was brought back to reality by a smiley, shy kiss on his mouth.

“It’s raining, hon,” Mats kneeled up next to Benni and wiped off a droplet of rain from his forehead. Benni blinked drowsily. “We’d better be going.”

Mats helped Benni stand up and he was so cute with his fluffy hair, blonde curls pointing to every direction that Mats simply couldn’t not kiss him. He cradled Benni’s sleepy-soft cheeks in his hands and brushed their noses together, drawing a throaty chuckle from Benni before kissing him properly. In the rain, like in some stupid film.

“Let’s go then,” Benni was breathless and there was a faint blush sneaking up his neck and Mats wanted to kiss it away or kiss it even redder. But the rain was getting heavier and Benni laughed at Mats and then started running in the direction of the car. Mats looked at the sleeves of his green shirt and it was dotted with almost black rain flecks.

He ran after Benni.

 

They were both panting and soaked when they reached the car and Mats turned on the heating as soon as they closed the doors. Benni was still laughing, the sweet sound filled the tiny space and Mats drew him closer once more to share a rain tasting kiss.

“I can’t wait to take a hot shower,” Benni said and Mats nodded in agreement.

“With me I hope,” Mats added a minute later and his grin lit up the gloomy afternoon.

“Of course with you,” Benni watched as Mats’ smirk faded into a smile that didn’t leave his lips until they reached their home.

“And I’ll have to figure it out how to thank you for this day,” they were already getting rid of their wet clothes when Mats said that and Benni’s immediate reaction was to object. Because he didn’t do the whole thing to get something in exchange from Mats, not at all, he just wanted to… His musings were interrupted by Mats hugging him from behind and Benni felt an open-mouthed kiss on his shoulders.

“I’m sure I can convince you that you deserve all the love,” Mats emphasized every word with a kiss along Benni’s neck and a few light caresses on his naked abs, temptingly low and close to the line of his underwear.

Mats could almost taste Benni’s moan on his tongue as he licked a wet stripe, covering every extra sensitive spot on his neck. Then he slid one of his fingers under the tight fabric of the underwear and Benni let out a soft whimper again.

“Forget that I disagreed. You can do whatever you want with me,” Benni’s voice was unsteady and husky.

Mats smiled into his skin and led him to the bathroom.


End file.
